I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
