i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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