Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
