obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize