Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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