Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
