I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Randomize
