i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
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