did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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