So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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