I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
