we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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