All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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