So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
