Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize