He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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