Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
