Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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