there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
