i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
