She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
