is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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