i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
