I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
