Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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