True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
