she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize