she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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