I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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