Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
