Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize