operation harelip BJ is a go
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
