so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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