Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
