There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
