I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
