I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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