I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
