All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
