I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
