What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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