I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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