You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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