if only i could text you this smell
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
