just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
