Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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