stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
