Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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