if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Your cock deserves a montage
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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