ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
