He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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