There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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