Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
