She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
