Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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