she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
