i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
