She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
