I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
