the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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