Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
