somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
