i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
