I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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