Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
