Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
