Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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