Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
