Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
