I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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