Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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