My friends, they love my intelligence
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
