I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
