I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
